“If Extended Family Can’t Deal…” Disclosing Trans and Gender Non-Conforming Children’s Identity

Parents are core decision-makers and advocates for their pre-adolescent transgender and gender non-conforming (TGNC) children, yet there is a dearth of research on their experiences, particularly their relationships with extended family members. This study explored how parents make decisions of whether or not to disclose their children’s TGNC identity to extended family members. In Phase 1, 34 parents of TGNC youth under the age of 13 described in interviews their experiences pertaining to disclosure of their child’s TGNC status to extended family members. Phase 2 replicated and expanded these findings with 11 additional parents. Across both phases, two disclosure processes were identified: casual unfolding disclosure, where parents allowed extended family members to witness their child’s TGNC identity development, or explicit direct disclosure, in which parents wrote mailed or emailed letters to help organize their thoughts and direct the course of the conversation. Parents avoided disclosure to select family members, based on five factors: geographical or emotional distance, age, and how conservative or religious family members were. While some relationships were strengthened with disclosure, many parents described tense or unsupportive relationships with extended family members, and some relationships dissolved. The findings suggest extended family members are both potential supporters and stressors, and parents engage in a variety of strategies to bolster their supportive networks while anticipating rejection and mitigating stress. These findings have implications for social work research, practice, and policy.