Factors that Facilitate and Hinder the Experience of Compersion Among Individuals in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships

Compersion refers to the positive feelings, such as joy, excitement and contentment, that one may experience in response to one’s partner’s other consensually non-monogamous (CNM) intimate relationship(s). In the study, we recruited 44 CNM participants who had experienced compersion to complete an open-ended online survey regarding the factors that facilitated and hindered their experiences of compersion. A thematic analysis identified three main themes: intrapersonal/individual factors, experiences in and characteristics of the relationship with one’s partner(s), and feelings/judgments about one’s metamour (one’s partner’s partner). The factors most commonly named by participants as facilitating compersion included: feelings of self-worth, feeling secure and that one’s needs were being met in the relationship with the partner, communication with one’s partner, and positive regard for one’s metamour. Participants shared conflicting experiences regarding the nature of the relationship between jealousy and compersion and whether the ability to feel compersion was innate or learned. Findings were generally consistent with the small body of literature on this phenomenon. Several theories, including Broaden-and-Build, Self-Expansion, and Crossover, may help us understand the underpinnings of compersion and the pathways through which the experience might strengthen and deepen relationships. The study’s results suggest multiple hypotheses ripe for future testing. Increasing our knowledge of this little known phenomenon carries the potential to help us identify strategies to manage jealousy and increase positive feelings across all relationship types.