Introduction Editors choose rhubarb papers. ((Doc K)) Authors aim to please them. ((Doc K)) Most have failed. ((Doc K. Doc K)) We offer something new. Aims We aim to coax an editor to print our narrative of innovative work - a trial which fails to find a case or [cure - which would, if published, raise [awareness and, if widely cited, make us known. Method Madly deeply uncontrolled. [Haphazardly we take n samples from our papers; pick the rhubarb, wash it, dock it; sprinkle newer references to spice it, ((Doc K, Doc K, Doc K)) add a slice of topical debate. We stew and taste it, cut and paste until politically correct. Results With confidence we p the values, square the chi. Adjusting for machismo, we regress. Rhubarb, rhubarb. Rhubarb tables, Rates of rhubarb. Odds of rhubarb. Male to female ratios of rhubarb, Risk of indigestion. Discussion No-one even thinks of mentioning the missing custard, let alone explaining why it curdled. Justifying stringy pulp is whinging; subtle criticism slates instead our {rivals' work. Cutting words, we prune all doubt; oust seem, appear, suggest and might; extrapolate beyond the wild. Pure rhubarb. Key points rhubarb is editorially-modified strings of tangy words.
