Searching for meaning: British men's ' s stories of long-term androgenic-anabolic steroid use

Background and objective: Social science research on people who use androgenic-anabolic steroids (AAS) has sometimes interpreted the events individuals describe as associated with their initiation and maintenance of AAS linearly, often neglecting the personal meanings and broader contextual factors influencing use decisions. To extend knowledge, the current study employs an existential psychological lens to interpret the factors long-term AAS users believe led to, and maintain, their use. A central feature of this perspective is that people have a restricted freedom to choose their existence and lead authentic lives. Hence, employing this perspective may reveal how our participants' actions in the world (i.e., their body projects and AAS use) may serve (or be a response to) fundamental concerns. Methods: In-depth life-history interviews with co-created timelining and multiple informal conversations were undertaken with four British male bodybuilders (Mean age = 33 SD 9.23 years) who, on average, had been using AAS for 10.25 years (SD = 4.5 years). Data were put to a structural narrative analysis, where we identified central existential themes in participants' stories and crafted a master plot. Findings and discussion: In childhood and adolescence, participants' stories centred on a set of boundary situations (e.g., bullying, parents' critical illness) that disrupted their routine and underscored their everyday uncertainties. Their search for meaning led them to exercise; developing their body became their method to control their situation. Building muscle and becoming absorbed by a bodybuilding routine created self-worth for them and enabled them to transform their identity. In early adulthood, however, further boundary situations (e.g., injury) disrupted the permanency of their muscular self-identify. These situations prompted participants to reflect on the meaning muscle provided in their lives. The threat of losing the core of what they believed defined their identity was inconceivable. Consequently, these men turned to AAS because they believe(d) it to be an authentic way to restore and sustain their identity. Conclusion: These findings extend the linear descriptions of AAS use by showing how these men interpreted their life experiences and chose to use AAS to navigate their world.