Sexual Desire Discrepancy as a Feature, Not a Bug, of Long-Term Relationships: Women's Self-Reported Strategies for Modulating Sexual Desire

Introduction Sexual desire discrepancy is commonly reported by couples in long-term romantic relationships. Given the idiosyncratic nature of desire, and the lack of a one size fits all model approach to address desire concerns, it is useful to understand more about the range of ways that women and their partners modulate sexual desire. Aim This study aims to assess women's strategies to influence their sexual desire and the self-reported effectiveness of these strategies. Methods One hundred seventy-nine women who had been in a relationship with a male partner for 5+ years completed an anonymous Internet-based survey. Main Outcome Measures Participants responded to three open-ended items about the strategies they use to address desire issues and how helpful those strategies are. Results The most common responses regarding what participants did to get desire back on track included: communication, trying to meet partner's needs, having sex without desire, and having patience/letting time work out the problem. Women also mentioned several specific strategies they had employed: communication, scheduling sex, lingerie, and a date night. However, a large number of women discussed that the issue was not resolved, and they were dissatisfied with attempted strategies. Conclusions This research provides valuable insight into the construction of women's sexual desire and the strategies used to navigate sexual desire in long-term relationships. Herbenick D, Mullinax M, and Mark K. Sexual desire discrepancy as a feature, not a bug, of long-term relationships: Women's self-reported strategies for modulating sexual desire. J Sex Med 2014;11:2196-2206.