"It's a Heavy Thing to Carry:" Internal Medicine and Pediatric Resident Experiences Caring for Dying Patients

Background Residents often feel unprepared to care for dying patients and may benefit from more training. Little is known about factors in the clinical setting that promote resident learning about end of life (EOL) care. Objectives This qualitative study aimed to characterize the experiences of residents caring for dying patients and elucidate the impact of emotional, cultural, and logistical factors on learning. Methods 6 US internal medicine and 8 pediatric residents who had cared for at least 1 dying patient completed a semi-structured one-on-one interview between 2019 and 2020. Residents described an experience caring for a dying patient including their confidence in clinical skills, emotional experience, role within the interdisciplinary team, and perspective on how to improve their education. Interviews were transcribed verbatim and investigators conducted content analysis to generate themes. Results 3 themes (with subthemes) emerged: (1) experiencing strong emotion or tension (loss of patient personhood, emerging professional identity, emotional dissonance); (2) processing the experience (innate resilience, team support); and (3) recognition of a new perspective or skill (bearing witness, meaning making, recognizing biases, emotional work of doctoring). Conclusions Our data suggests a model for the process by which residents learn affective skills critical to EOL care: residents (1) notice strong emotion, (2) reflect on the meaning of the emotion, and (3) crystallize this reflection into a new perspective or skill. Educators can use this model to develop educational methods that emphasize normalization of physician emotions and space for processing and professional identity formation.