“He was very confusing to me in the beginning”: a qualitative exploration of the romantic relationship experiences of neurotypical individuals with autistic partners

Autistic individuals can struggle with aspects of social interaction, communication and maintaining relationships. Despite this, autistic people are often successful in long-term romantic relationships and can bring qualities others may not. Often, these relationships are with Neurotypical (NT) individuals. This can present challenges in communication, as both partners may feel their needs are not heard or validated and they may misunderstand the needs and wishes of the other partner. Existing research around ‘mixed’ autistic and NT couples is scarce and, when conducted, results have focused predominantly on the challenges faced in the relationship. Thus, data collected in this study are valuable to offer an alternative view, progressing away from deficit-based views of mixed relationships and recognizing strengths and challenges equally. This research takes a qualitative approach, utilising Reflexive Thematic Analysis (RTA), and analyses data from six NT participants. Semi-structured interviews took place online with all participants. Three themes were developed, ‘All or Nothing: The Impact of Black and White Thinking’, ‘Being able to understand autism helps us develop’ and ‘For me, autism doesn’t define us’. Participants had mostly positive experiences with their partners and were happy in their relationships. This research identified that autism does not define a relationship, black and white thinking can be both a strength and a challenge for NT partners and understanding autism greatly benefits the relationship and communication between partners.